Thursday, 26 April 2018

Wish



If I was granted a wish
I know what would be mine.
The wish I have all day
The same I have all night.
To fill your heart with joy
With my presence, sight and voice.
To see your smiling eyes
When your fingertips meets mine.
And enchanting you feel
When my lips seek your cheek.
And warmth fills your chest
On me you lie to rest.
I wish to be your 'want',
The one you dearly miss.
With such a wish I wait
And wait and wait and wait.
No genie, fairy, witch, or tree
Or stars can make it true
Still I wish, every day, every night,
And cherish with all my might,
For nothing more precious, dear
Than your happiness at my sight.

Broken

I am a broken piece. I always was. I always wished for someone to pour affection into the cracks and make it disappear. I would imagine how it would feel like, no not be broken, mended. But everytime the cracks just got deepend. Maybe there is no being whole for me again, beyond repair. I realize that things are wrong inside me completely, it's not just the surface that is cracked. The damage runs deeper. There is no hope for being alright anymore. All I await it the day it all breaks apart completely and disintegrate. I just want to be able to hold on a bit longer. Just a little bit.

Wednesday, 11 April 2018

On the inadequacy of Love

We have lots of people say about the kind of love they desire. The way they want someone to love them. They use words like "unconditional", "selfless" etc. But do they only desire that love. I believe it is incomplete to say that just receiving such kind of love, care, attention or affection they seek from someone is enough. It is much more important as who they receive it from, a point that is sometimes ignored in most cases. Its not just that they want this kind of love, they want it from a specific someone who satisfies certain criteria, which can be and almost always is, different from person to person.

There is a certain misconception in society that "true", "genuine" love will be rewarded always with acceptance in the end, mostly circulated through literature and media. This kind of love from the wrong person can actually cause the receiver to be more irritated than happier. 

Care, and concern can be irritating if it not from the person who we don't want it from. It can cause unwanted nuisance and disturbance to our peace. Admiration and attention, even recognition from this person will feel suffocating. A compliment on the way you look today, a gift, even a small thing that should have made the moment special from the right person will create the exact opposite effect. So it is not the acts of love that matters, it is also who does these acts which makes it special and valuable to that person. Anyone else who tries to engage in these acts will end up failing to make the person feel good or special, or even loved, as they only consider these annoying. The "charm" of  these gestures only appears if enacted or performed by the person who they want it from.

Unfortunately, the person who loves us sometimes wouldn't satisfy our criteria. They might be inadequate in different ways. This person believing his love to be true and selfless will continue to try to make us feel special and continuously annoys us. They end up receiving the blunt of anger most of the time and have no clue what they did wrong. Therefore, it is important to understand that love is itself is not adequate, but also whether the person who performs satisfies the other requirements the receiver needs or desires. 

I believe that a person who loves in a genuine sense, only cares about the receiver. They don't expect to be loved back, for they love unconditionally because they believe the receiver deserves to be loved like that. They will do anything to make the receiver feel special, important, deserving and happy. But sadly, the act in itself is incomplete when the performer is inadequate. They will keep on trying to improve themselves, change, try different means but fail to meet the objective. They too will hope at some point, for the sake of their lover, that the reciever find someone else  who is adequate and capable of delivering or performing these same acts and attaining the objective. This person will still love and care, maybe from a distance, for he can't stop loving, drawback of the "genuine" love. And he can't come too close, for he will fail to make the lover happy. He is forever caught in the eternal immobility that he can't get out of, maybe which he himself doesn't want to. He will make himself believe that his happiness lies in being able to even feel such a love, even if he fails to deliver it or receive it.